"Not my child Monday!"

Did you almost die of embarrassment when your child pulled their own pants down at the library? Want to scream bloody murder when your toddler took a pair of scissors to the dog's fur? Feel like a terrible mother when your kid said a four-letter-word at a back to school event? Well don't! Mothers aren't perfect and neither are children. Let's 'fess up today because it's Not my child! Monday!

Sound liberating? Then let's get going!

 It was certainly was not my child who while sitting in my lap at the pediatricians office decided to give me an anatomy lesson.  He did not say "Mommy you have boobs?" as a I quickly brushed his hand away and tried to continue my conversation. And it wasn't my child who continued to tell me about "boobs" and "bras" during the entire visit. Thankfully our pediatrician is a woman so I wasn't too mortified.

And it was not my child who broke the R.O. spout while trying to use it as a drinking fountain.

Nor was it my child who climbed on the kitchen counter, got the faucet sprayer and began to water the artificial flowers on the bar. When asked what he was doing he did not say "I'm helping Nana water the flowers."

My child would never be the one to break the ceramic dog bowl at our Pastor's house. 

It wasn't my child who used the meat thermometer as if it was a hammer until he shattered glass all over the kitchen. Not my child.

Nor did my child color on the t.v. screen with his markers, he did not color on the kitchen counter with a permanent marker, and break ANOTHER picture frame.

After putting him down for a nap it was not my child who got up to dig for some treasure in the closet. Where he did not find his Nana's hat box and his toddler size vacuum. He did not think it was a good idea to shove the vacuum handle through the hatbox resulting in them both needing to find a new home in the dumpster. No, not my child.

And today while I was nursing Collin it was surely not my child who climbed onto the kitchen cabinets (he does not seem to do this often) to eat as many hershey kisses as he could before I caught him.

Today while he was supposed to be taking a potty break it was not my child who flushed an entire box of wipes down the toilet. (thankfully they were the flushable ones). 

Destructive, No, Not my child!

"Not Me" Monday

Feeling guilty for not doing things you know you should have been? Are you feeling guilty for letting your young children spend the entire day in their pajamas, then sleeping in them because it is too hot outside to do anything anyway? What about not answering phone calls from your friends simply because you are not in the mood to talk? Well don't; instead, join us for Not Me! Monday, it was born out of a desire to admit imperfections and reveal a few moments we'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing! When you are finished here, hop on over to My Charming Kids and see what everyone else has not been doing!

I did not forget the cleaning lady was coming this morning forcing me to rush around and find somewhere for the boys and I to go at 8:00am. I did not get into the car and realize that I hadn't brushed my teeth or hair. "Not Me" I wouldn't go out of the house looking like that. 

I did not get into my car and Cry because once again Carter pooped in his undies. 

I did not put Collin in the bed with me all night because I was too tired to sit in the chair to nurse him.

I did not let our room get completely covered in laundry before I decided to hang it up. "Not Me" I put my laundry up after every load.

I did not wear a tank top to bed and then go the whole next day wearing the same tank top. No, Not me! I have time to shower every morning and put on new clothes.

I did not give Collin a paci that had just fallen out of the car in the street. No, I am to germ conscious to do that.

I did not let Carter watch 3 episodes of Mickey Mouse in a row just so I could get ready in silence. 

I did not go to the bank and write the wrong account number on the deposit slip. I am not too sleep deprived to do that.

I did not secretly cry Saturday night while putting Collin to bed because I realized he was two months old. I am not that sappy!

And tonight I am not going to rush through dinner so that I will have enough time to watch The Secret Life of An American Teenager. Surely I don't watch shows that are geared for junior high kids. No, NOT ME!