White Rock Marathon weekend has Arrived!

Back in July a good friend of mine and I began training for the Dallas White Rock Marathon. Well it is here, it is this Sunday, we will be running the half marathon of 13.1 miles! I have been asking myself WHY I decided to do this. Collin comes running around the corner with a grin on his face and I am reminded of WHY we are doing this. Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Chidren (the hospital Collin is a patient at) is the DWRM's main beneficiary. So this year we formed Team Collin and have 23 runners running in support of our son Collin and TSRHC. TSRHC has never charged a family a single penny for the care they provide. They have done so much for Collin and we are forever grateful. Our goal this year was to raise $5000 and as of tonight we have raised $4476. We only need $624 to meet our goal. Consider making a donation today of any amount to help better the lives of children. www.active.com/donate/tsrh10/collincan.

The Ronald McDonald House

During Collin's stay in Dallas back in September for his surgery we were blessed with the opportunity to stay at the Dallas Ronald McDonald House! It has been such a blessing that all of Collin's medical care has been provided at no charge to us because Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children has never charged a family a single penny for the care they provide. But traveling expenses add up quickly with four Dallas Dr. appts in one year. The Ronald McDonald house is for families who have children in the hospital or in treatment in one of the local hospitals. They ask for a $15 a night donation for your stay which we all know is much cheaper than a hotel room. The Dallas RMH is the only house in the country that provides 3 meals a day completely free to all the residents. We were blown away by the hospitality of all the staff. It was truly a humbling experience. You walk down the halls and smile to other parents who you know are going through such struggles. You see the little girl playing dolls who has no hair and you know she is battling cancer. Other faces you see, you may no know their story, but everyone there has one. We truly loved our stay at the RMH and plan to stay there for Collin's future surgeries and appointments.

Reading stories in the Ronald McDonald House Library!

One of the playrooms at RMH

The Love Wall..... really loved this idea!

The gathering room... all the furniture for the RMH was donated by Lane, it was beautiful!

Checking out...... Collin still wanted to help, cast and all!

I'm back!!

Hello again! I'm back, well at least for today! I have been on a serious blog hiatus. I got behind and had so much I wanted to blog about that instead of just picking back up where I left off I felt to overwhelmed. I'm sure that sounds silly especially to those who are not bloggers. But that is sorta how my brain works. I start these rather large to-do lists in my brain and then I get so overwhelmed that I don't do anything on the list at all. Does that make me a crazy person? Am I the only one who does that? It's kinda the same with my laundry and house cleaning. If I let things get too bad or I get too far behind, I feel so overwhelmed that I can't seem to begin. I seem to get behind on a lot of things. I can't seem to just maintain things and keep up which always leaves me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated!

Anyways enough about that! I am going to attempt to catch up on all things to blog about since Collin's surgery!!! So hopefully I can get caught up........

Surgery Day and God's faithfulness!

Exhale......... That is how I feel tonight, that it is time to exhale! I have to begin by saying thank you to every one who has lifted us up in prayer the past couple days, we have felt them tremendously! Every text, email, phone call, has been a source of encouragement.

Friday morning came early as the alarm sounded at 3:45am, Chris and I got ready as quietly as possibly, trying not to wake Collin until minutes before it was time to leave. Usually the morning of any event or stressful time, I feel the uneasiness down deep in my stomach, its kind of a nauseous anxious feeling. I was pleased to wake up without that at all. We snatched Collin from his bed in his jammies and headed to the hospital. Collin did not fall back asleep instead he was wide awake and ready for action. We went through the whole admission process with the nurse as Collin was semi cooperative ;). We got Collin changed into his hospital gown and spent our in between time watching playhouse Disney!

 



Just finished being admitted.

 We were blessed to have my parents and one of my best friends, Lesley, their with us to show their support! Chris' parents kept Carter for us so we will be able to focus our full attention on Collin. We prayed over Collin before the doctors came in and truly felt the presence of God in our midst. I had prayed for peace and calmness but I never imagined I could be so calm. They gave Collin some medicine that makes him loopy so that the separation wouldn't be so difficult. Chris and I were able to go down with him to the pre-surgery waiting area. We waited for the loopy medicine to kick in. It was quite comical as we waited in this area with other patients and their parents. It was sort of like a party. Most of the kids were either passed out of looking extremely silly. Then the nurses began handing out stickers, pinwheels, sunglasses, and it began to seem like we had walked into the fair. The anesthesiologist spoke with us about how she would be sedating him and about the breathing tube and so forth, which was a little overwhelming. Then it was time to let him go. I won't lie, I did not want to let him out of my arms. A part of me wanted to tell them we had changed our mind. But with one deep breath I handed him, paci, and puppy into the Dr's arms. Thankfully his medicine had kicked in and he didn't cry. That doesn't mean that I didn't cry. (they should give the parents the medicine ;) My eyes glassed over with tears but after a big hug from Chris and a prayer, I felt peaceful. We went and met up with my parents and Les in the cafeteria and then went to the surgery waiting room and waited, and waited, and waited. For the first 90 minutes, I felt pretty good. I was able to breathe, laugh, and have good conversation with everyone. That last 30 minutes I was definitely ready for the pager to go off, and sure enough it did.  

Our Rockstar!

Waiting for surgery.....

Chris and I were able to go to the recovery room to see him. I have to admit that we were taken back by how puney he looked. I had prepared myself for everything pre-surgery but I didn't realize he would look that way post surgery. His lips were swollen and he had a sore on his mouth from the breathing tube. His face was swollen and he had an oxygen mask on. Then his cast was much bigger than we expected. Then we noticed that they had put a cast on his puppies hand which made us laugh. They moved Collin to the impatient unit and we all just watched him sleep. He didn't really wake up until a few hours later. When he did, I tried to hold him but because of the weight of his cast it was more comfortable for him to lay in his bed. He stayed pretty out of it the entire day. Staying the night in the hospital is never fun and it wasn't for him either. He had a restless night and I got zero sleep but we survived.

Right after surgery

  

Puney.....

 


Collin and Puppy both have casts ;)

 

 Today he seems to be getting back to himself a little more. He is trying to get back to sitting up and walking without falling over to the side. Because of his cast his balance is off and he is trying to adjust to doing things with his cast. He has done as well as any 16 month old I know could. Absolutely amazing how he has dealt with it all. He is our little trooper.

Getting ready to be discharged from the hospital

 God has been so faithful to our family this weekend. We felt God's peace like never before, Collin responded to anesthesia without getting sick, he is adjusting well to his cast besides the first time he noticed it when he slapped it over and over and yelled at it ;), the Dr's said the surgery went great and we are expecting wonderful results when his cast is removed, answer after answer after answer. Thank you again for all the prayers and support it truly has been an awesome experience. It has not been fun to see my baby in pain but it has been amazing to experience God's faithfulness and peace.

Please Pray!

Tomorrow is the big day and a full range of emotions and thoughts have flooded my mind this evening, I don't know how I will possibly sleep. I took some pictures of Collin's hands tonight so we would have some before and after pictures to look at after he has his cast removed. In a strange way there is something sad about changing his hands. I remember when he was born and we we took him to Scottish Rite when he was only 3 weeks old I worried that they wouldn't be able to do anything for Collin's hands. Now 16 months later I am sitting here the night before his surgery and apart of me is sad that we are going to change him. I am sure that sounds strange and ironic but it is just part of the mixture of feelings I am experiencing at the moment. For the past two weeks people have been asking me if I was nervous for Collin's surgery. In the beggining I would say "yes, a little bit" but the more I prayed about it the more I felt like God was speaking to me about my feelings and emotions about Collin's surgery. Any mother feels worry, anxiety, and fear to trust thier child into the care of surgeons and nurses your barely know. I felt like I should be worried, I should be fearful, I should be anxious! And don't get me wrong my flesh would love to embrace these feelings and emotions but my God says something else. HE says:

Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition present your requests to God, And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
                                                                                                             Phillipians 4:6-7

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise,  in God I trust, I will not be afraid.
                                                                                                              Psalms 56:3

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
                                                                                                              Isiah 41:10

I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
                                                                                                              Pslam 34:4

Do not worry..........
                                    Matthew 6:21

For God has not given you a spirit of fear , but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.
                                                                                                              2 Timothy 1:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
                                                                            1 Peter 5:7

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.
                                                                                                              2 Thessolonians 3:16

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we Trust in the name of our Lord our God.
                                                                                                              Pslam 20:7

Over the past few weeks as I have prayed and sought God about tomorrow, I felt like he addressed this issue the most. As a mother I have every right to be anxious, nervous, fearful, and worried. But as a believer in Jesus Christ I am called to walk in trust, to lay my anxieties and fears at his feet, and recieve the peace that only He can bring. My mind would love to wonder tonight. Wonder about what ifs and risks and the terrifying thought of handing my baby over but I am trying to meditate on the scriptures above and hold onto the promises of the awesome God I serve.

A couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine said that she had been reading some scripture that she wanted me to read. She said that these scriptures were about hands and she felt like they would be encouraging for me. I was anxious to get home and read what she was referring too. When I got home I quickly opened up my bible to Mark 3:1 and this is what I began to read:

 And He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a withered hand. ² So they watched Him closely, whether He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. ³ And He said to the man who had the withered hand, “Step forward.” ⁴ Then He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they kept silent. ⁵ And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.

WOW, right? I have read several incidents of healing in the bible but I don't think I have ever read this one in particular. How cool is it that my God is a God that restores hands. What hope I have found in these scriptures. Since Collin was born, I never considered him as a case for healing. After all, the doctors claimed his condition permanent. They told me that the most they could do was smoothe out some of the scar tissue to improve fuction and looks but they couldn't replace missing bones or form finger nails on his nubby fingers. I believe that the God of the bible is the same God of today and if he restored hands to whole then,  I believe he can restore hands to whole today! I don't believe that we can tell God what to do, but I do believe we can ask. I believe that God is able to grow bones, form fingernails, and lengthen fingers and I am asking God to begin a restoration in Collin's hands. Whether that be through surgeries, time, or miraculously I know that he is able. What I don't know is God's BIG plan, I can only see the small piece in front of me. I don't know if God has plans to reveal himself through healing Collin supernaturally or if he will recieve more glory through Collin walking out this journey of having different hands. Whatever God's plan is, it will not change my faith, it will not change the goodness of God, it will not change how much we know God loves Collin. But we know that he is able and we are asking that tomorrow would be the beggining of restoration to Collin's hands. I ask that you would stand in agreement with us and pray for restoration for our precious baby.

We will be admitting Collin to Texas Scottish Rite Hospital at 5:00am. His surgery is scheduled for 8:00am and is expected to be over some time aroudn 10:00am. Here are some specific ways you can be praying for us:

1. Please pray that God would command his angels concerning Collin to guard him during surgery. (Pslam 91:11)

2. Please pray for Dr. Oishi, the nurses, anethesiologist, and every one else on the surgery team. Pray that they would have supernatural rest, that the Lord would guide their hands, and give them wisdom as they work on Collin's hands.

3. Please pray that God would wash us in his peace!

4. Please pray that Collin would respond well to anesthesia without getting sick.

5. Please pray that every nerve and tendon would be protected as they reconstuct Collin's hand.

6. Please pray he would adjust well to his cast.

Thank you so much for all the love, support, and prayers! Keep checking for an update, I will blog sometime tomorrow after surgery!

"I don't want them to cover up his hands......"

We leave tomorrow for Collin's surgery on Friday at Texas Scottish Rite. Car seat, pack and play, stroller, books, blankie, puppy, and backpack are all ready by the door. It always amazes me as to how much stuff it takes to travel with a baby. Today I decided to tell Carter that we were going out of town and what for. In the past 16 months since Collin was born Carter has NEVER said one thing about his brother's hands. Not even when others have noticed or made comments. He has never asked a question, examined his hands, nothing. I don't know that he ever realized that his brother's hands are different than his. I love that about children. Since Collin will be coming home in a cast we obviously needed to explain a few things to Carter in an age appropriate way. I told him that we were taking Collin to Dallas to see a special hand Dr. and Carter asked "WHY"? I told him that when Collin was in Mommy's tummy there were strings that hung around Collin and his hands got tangled in them. He didn't say a word or seemed phased by what I said. I continued by telling him that the Dr's were going to help Collin's hand and then they would put him in a cast. Of course Carter had no idea what a cast was. I tried to explain it and then I could see the wheels turning in his brain. This concerned him much more than the fact that Collin's hands were different than his. We were in the car while we were having this conversation (only because he kept asking me over and over where we were going this weekend, because he had seen me packing every one's stuff but his, it just seemed like the right time) and he reached over and held Collin's hand and said "Mommy, I don't want them to cover up Collin's hands." I looked back at him in the rear view mirror as he held tightly to Collin's hand and said "I Know, me neither". That is all I could say because I could feel the tears coming to my eyes and that horrible lump coming up in my throat. After I got it together, I told him that he wouldn't have his hands covered forever just a 4 weeks and it would help his hand get better. He is still persistent that he doesn't want them to cover up his brother's hands and I love that. I love that he doesn't notice, or doesn't care, that his brother is different than him. I love that he sees Collin as his little brother, not the baby with hand differences. I love the pureness and innocence. I love that his biggest concern was that he didn't want his hands covered up because he wants to always see them. I am so glad he always wants to see them. I had stressed over having this conversation with Carter for while, but things are always a bigger deal to us then they are to them.

A Time to Breathe, Rest, and be Together!

Every year when September rolls around I begin the dress hunt as if I was 17 getting ready for my high school prom again. Chris' works for Discount Tire and last weekend we went to Albuquerque, NM for the annual company party. It is a formal event as you can see. Though sometimes it is stressful, it is fun to have a reason to get all dressed up with my man, eat fancy food we could never afford on our own, and take a twirl around the dance floor. It is a quick trip, we left on Saturday and came home on Sunday. But this year we arrived in Albuquerque at 8:15am and had the entire day to do whatever we wanted. Chris took a nap and I went and laid by the pool and read a book. With little ones running around I feel like it takes me forever to finish a book so it was fun to have so much time to read without any interruptions. (even though I love my sweet little interruptions) It was such a relaxing day and weekend besides the really BAD sunburn I got on my legs. It was a good thing I went with the long dress instead of the short because my legs looked like lobster legs.

Chris and I got lots of rest and were able to spend some sweet time together.

God works in amazing ways!

It is always amazing to me how God works in ways that you could have never imaged, how he uses people you would have never thought he would use, how situations work themselves out and sometimes you see a glimpse of the reason behind it. God did some of those amazing things this week and I am so grateful. God's ways, ideas, and plans are always better than ours. It makes since to Him when it doesn't to us, he see the entire picture when we only see a piece. God can use people in your life to encourage you that you never thought he would, he can take painful circumstances and use them to reveal himself. I'm grateful that I serve a God who knows more than me, who knows whats is best for me more than I do, who sees the whole picture, who works all things together for good, who amazes me daily with how he works things out in our life. It has been a good week for me, God has been moving on my heart and I have heard him speak. I believe God speaks, maybe I can hear him now, because I started listening!

"B" Week

Well "B" week turned into 3 weeks of "B" since our air conditioner went out and Mommy was slightly distracted. So here are the Brothers and their Busy weeks of "B"!

We went to Burger King wearing our Blue shirt to have a Burger!

We went with our friends Becca and her mommy Brylyn!

Bubba and Becca played with the Balls

I found these great BIG Balloons that the Boys had a Blast with!

We had a Beary special Breakfast: Bacon, Boat and Butterfly shaped waffles, Blue juice box, Berries, Banana, and Syrup (even though that doesn't start with a B)

It was fun and we did lots of B things. The Boys took Bubble Baths and found each other's Belly Buttons, they watched Bob the Builder and Barney, Carter rode his Bike, we counted Black Beans, practiced writing the letter B, went to Bahama Bucks for a snow cone, it was a great couple of weeks with the letter B.

Check back next week for "C" week!

A light at the end of this Tunnel!

Today is Chris' first day back at school. Today is the first day of his LAST semester. I still remember the night he came home and told me he really felt like he needed to go back to school. As much as I agreed with him I was terrified of how we would do it. Originally we thought it would only take 3 semesters but because of scheduling issues he now into his 5th and last semester. Every semester I can remember thinking, "Is this ever going to be over?" Well I think it is really going to happen. I think the end is coming and I am so excited! There is a light at the end of this tunnel and I can finally see it, Praise God!

"A" Week

I have really been praying about how I need to be mothering Carter! He can be difficult, stubborn, strong willed, and exhausting but on the other hand he is sweet, affectionate, and loves to be a helper. He craves attention and it is easy for me to get caught up in the business of my day and not stop long enough to give him that one on one attention he is begging for. Now don't get me wrong I don't think that as a stay at home mom my job is to be my children's playmates. I think I am here to be there mother, take care of our home, and serve this family. So I have been asking God to show me simple and easy ways to give Carter more of my time without it interfering with everything else I have to take care of. And this is what God brought me too! After spending an afternoon in conversation with God about Carter and different ways to show him love and attention I ran across another mother's blog and loved her ideas. She picked a letter each week and revolved their food, activities, and crafts around that letter. I loved the idea and thought it seemed simple enough. It has been a great way for me to be intentional about teaching, loving, and spending purposeful time with Carter. So last week was our first week and our letter was "A".

Carter started off "A" week with an AMAZING "A" shaped breakfast.

Carter also got to go visit our AWESOME neighbor ANDY for "A" week!

(each week we are going to visit someone we know that's name starts with the letter of the week)

Loved this idea from another blogger, Muffin Tin Munchies!

APPLESAUCE with ANTS (chocolate sprinkles), ALIEN eyes (cucumbers and tomatoes), AN AIRPLANE sandwich, ANIMAL crackers, APPLES, AND ANTS on a log (chocolate chips, peanut butter, and a banana)

AND A pizza with AN ALIEN cup full of APPLE juice

It was A great week AND Carter enjoyed all of his "A" foods and making AIRPLANES, talking about ARMY men and so much more. Come back next week to check out what fun things we do for the letter "B".

We FINALLY MOVED!

WE FINALLY MOVED! Yes, we finally moved into our home. We moved in about a week and half ago and I have been putting off posting pictures until I felt like things were done, but then I quickly realized things will never be done. There will always be more to do, more to buy, more to decorate, and more to fix. So today I will give you a sneak peak at how things are looking as we begin to unpack and make this house our home. This has been quite a journey and it is truly a blessing to be sitting down in my own house typing this blog post. There were times that I didn't believe this day would ever come, but it has, and here it is!

Our Living Room! I am in love with our new furniture. We have never had brand new furniture before so this is very exciting! I have had my eye on it for 2 years!

Our Dining Room, this is all my Grandmother's furniture. I still have a lot of decorating to do in this room but it looks much better than it used too!

I LOVE my Kitchen! Still have to paint and stain the island, but I love it!

The Playroom!

Love this old classroom table I found at an antique store!

To see all the before pictures go HERE!

Team Collin Launch!

We are so excited to launch the Team Collin blog! Come read about Team Collin and how you can support Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children HERE!

Yes, I Changed it Again! ;)

I know, I know, how many times does one person change their blog? Well if you don't know me very well I am here to let you know that I get bored easy and I am extremely indecisive. I loved the idea of having nick names for everyone on the blog but it made it really hard to write and I felt like it was kinda confusing to read. And now that we are about to have a blog for "Team Collin" it would be silly to have different names on each blog. So I have gone back to our real names and changed our blog address as well. I have gone back to some of the past posts and changed the names but I don't know that I will ever get to changing all the posts. So if you are reading old posts here is a translation for you. Puddin is Carter, Cupcake is Collin, Pumpkin Pie is Me, and Honey Bun is Chris! I am really excited for some big changes that are coming for the blog so keep checking back! I know I have been on hiatus from blogging lately but I am back and you can expect lots of updates coming very soon! Thanks for following me even when I get bored and change my blog address ;)!

Do you know what June 1 is?

June 1st is opening day for registration for the Dallas White Rock Marathon that will take place on December 5th. Hub's and I have decided that this year we will be participating in the half marathon. The Dallas Whiterock Marathon's main beneficiary is Texas Scottish Rites Hospital for Children which is also where Collin is a patient and will have surgery this fall. Collin's future surgeries as well as all his doctor appointments are completely free to us because Scottish Rites operates fully off of donations. Families are never charged nor their insurance billed for any care that you receive there. We are so excited to raise money for this hospital as a way to give back for everything they have done and are going to do for Collin and other children who need there care! This summer I will be sending a newsletter out about how to participate with us for "Team Collin"!  You can run with us (half or full marathon), come to Dallas to cheer us on, donate in Collin's honor, or just buy a T-shirt as a way to support us from wherever you are! I will also be setting up a separate website to inform you of everything race related! If you are interested in being apart of "Team Collin" in any capacity please email me here to make sure I have your contact information and when we send out our newsletter I will make sure you are included! If you already know you are running with us on December 5, I wanted to let you know that registration is officially open.  You can find out more about the race and registration here. This race does completely sell out every year! If you are going to register this early shoot me an email so I can give you the registration instructions to be on our team. I am in the process of getting our fundraising page active so I will have more info soon! We are so excited and can't wait to form "Team Collin"!

Crazy Coupons Round 3

Ok, so yesterday was my 3rd time to try out my coupon savings plan! I think I did pretty good but felt like I could have done better! Here were my purchases from Walgreens and Target!

Walgreens:

3 boxes of Frosted Flakes

2 boxes of Fruit Loops 

2 boxes of tampons

1 coppertone sunscreen

1 ecotrin aspirin

1 can of Hunts Spaghetti Sauce

1 package of spaghetti

Total before coupons and sales: $43.49

Total: $11.75 plus $2.50 in RR

Total savings: $31.74

1 bottle of ketchup

1 box of eggos

1 loaf of bread

1 gallon of milk

2 Nivea bodywash

2 Olay face astringent

1 Crest toothpaste

10 Smart Ones 

4 Fiber One cereals 

1 Fiber Ones bars

Total before sales and coupons: $87.78

My Total: $38.19 plus $15.00 Target giftcard

Total Savings: $64.59

All of this for a grand total of $32.44 after RR and Target gift cards

Carter

I feel like a terrible Mother because I haven't blogged about Carter in so long! He stays so busy that catching his picture is near impossible! This past weekend we went over to my childhood best friends house for a play-date with her son. Her parent's live directly across the street from my grandmother's old house. That is how the two of us became friends. She moved in when I was 3 and she was 4. My Mimi lived in that house up until 3 year ago. I have so many memories in that house! Its amazing how a structure can hold such a sweet place in your heart! When I parked in front of Kristina's house I sat in my car for awhile and just stared at my Mimi's house. I remember riding my bike up and down the sidewalk, having lemonade stands on the corner, and getting stung by a yellow jacket when I stuck my hand in the front porch bushes! After the babies played for awhile Carter was begging me to let him ride his bike. So I got his bike out and he rode up and down the sidewalk. It was such a surreal moment watching my child ride his bike down the same sidewalk that I used to. It made me feel old and it was a reminder of how fast time goes by! I know somewhere I have pictures of myself riding in front of my Mimi's house and now I have pictures of Carter riding in the same place!

Gabbing Girls Game Night~

Ok, so I have been playing bunco (a dice game) for a year and half with a group of girls that are so much fun! We recently changed our group to a monthly game night instead of Bunco. So it is up to the host to choose the game we are playing. Last Thursday we had game night and our theme was the beach. It was super cute with dolphins hanging from the ceiling ;) and fish tacos for dinner. These girls have always been a blast to hang out with but this past game night was the most fun by far! Or maybe I should say funniest so far! We had performances by New Kids on the Blocks biggest fan, a few dance performances, and someone starting singing the Fresh Prince of Bellaire theme song when all 11 girls joined in! It doesn't seen near as funny when I write but it was HILARIOUS! After playing a few rounds of Taboo, a few of us went out and jumped on the trampoline. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, I felt like I was in high-school again. I think girlfriends are food for the soul. I have never had friendships like the ones I have in my life now and I can't imagine life without them! 

Crazy Coupons Round 2

Ok so my Walgreens visit was so exciting that I had to give Target a whirl this afternoon. Guess how much these items cost me?

$0.69.........I'm serious! 

Crazy Coupons Round 1

Ok so the grocery store has always been a nightmare for me. I always spend too much and most of the time don't even get everything I need. HB is always frustrated with me and it seems to be this issue that never goes away nor do I know what to do about it. When Puddin was a baby I heard a woman speak at some function about using coupons and I was blown away by the savings she accumulated as well as how many things she ended up getting free. With us getting ready to move into the house soon our budget is about to get really tight! HB and I have even considered me teaching preschool a couple days a week or watching kids to make some extra money. A friend of mine told me about a friend of hers or cut her grocery bill more than half by using coupons. After saving up coupons the last couple of weeks and reading other mother's blogs online, today was my first day to give it a try! I had to change my mind set from buying what I need that week to buying what is on sale and stocking up on it! So Walgreens was my first store. Check out how I did!!!!

2 packages of Huggies newborn diapers

1 package of Huggies Little Swimmers

2 45ct Dixie paper plates

1 ramen noodle (I had to use this as a filler)

5 cans of Hunts Tomato Sauce

4 Women's Dove deodorants

1 Mens Degree deodorant

1 Lg bottle of Contact solution

1 Goody headband

1 Goody barrette pack

Total before any coupons or sale: $105.09

Grand Total: $35.35

Plus a $3 register reward to use on my next purchase!

This is so exciting to me, I feel like I have had an adrenaline rush all morning! I can't wait to find out how to save at Albertsons and Target! This is my first go round so I'm hoping to learn more, save more, and bless my family by saving money!

P.S. These newborn diapers are not for me ;) They are a gift!

Calling me out of Comfort!

Last Monday I received an email from the director of our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. Every year the last meeting of the year is called Tea and Testimony. (which I'm not sure why since we don't serve tea :) It's a time where a few of the moms share what MOPS has meant to them or what God has been doing in their lives the last year. My first year in MOPS was the year that Hub's and I had such breakthrough in our marriage and in our personal relationships with Christ. I was ask to speak about what an amazing work God had done in our marriage and I was happy to do so. This year I was asked to speak again but not on something I ever wanted to talk about publicly. I was asked to talk about the journey I have been on with Collin. I told our director that I didn't feel like I was ready to do that because I still have a hard time with it most of the time. She said she understood but thought it would be great if I would share. I put it off and didn't really give her an answer. I got really distracted last week with a bunch of stuff going on so I had pushed it to the back of my mind. As much as I tried to ignore the request that had been made God did not. I felt like he was really calling me to speak. More for myself than for anyone else. I have had so much anxiety over other people's reactions to Collin's hands. It it something that I have never felt before but it has been really difficult for me and the thought of publicly bringing attention to Collin's syndrome was frightening to me.  I knew that God was telling me this was the first step in overcoming this anxiety but I would have preferred to sit at my table and hear everyone else speak. Most of the women within my own table didn't even know about Collin's hands. I was obedient to what the Lord had told me and through tears, fear, and anxiety I told my story about Collin's birth! It's really long so it won't offend me if you don't want to read it. I just wanted it to be on the blog so as people who don't know about Collin read they might have a better understanding to what the journey has been like for me!

            At the end of MOPS last year I was 9 months pregnant with my second son Collin. I had been having a completely healthy normal pregnancy and we were excited for baby number 2. With Carter I had to have a C-section and it was not the best experience. I was so drugged that I don’t even remember seeing him so it felt as if everyone else got to see him first. This go round our doctor was confident that I would be able to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). We prayed that everything would work out so that I would be able to have the delivery I so hoped for. Around 33 weeks we found out that Collin was transverse (meaning laying sideways). At the following appointments Collin continued to shock our Dr with all his turning so late on in the pregnancy. He went form transverse, to breech, to head down, to breech again within weeks. I was so disappointed because I knew that this would mean we would have to do another c-section. My girlfriends and I continued to pray that Collin would turn head down by delivery.

         Mother’s day weekend I began having contractions. It was hard for me to believe that is was really labor because it was still 2 1/2 weeks before my due date, After 2 days of having on and off contractions things finally picked up and we went to the hospital at 2am. On the drive there I was sure that I would have to have a c-section and I was not very happy about it. The nurse came in to check me and said “Mam, I think we have a head down here.” After doing an ultrasound to confirm it, sure enough Collin had turned again and he was head down and ready to go. We were so grateful for this answered prayer.  After 20 hours of labor it was finally time to push. My epidural had worn off but through the pain I was still so excited to hold my sweet baby boy.

         With only a few pushes there he was laying on my chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt his warm breath against my skin. It was precious, sweet, and will always be etched on my heart. Within seconds they took him to the isolate to clean him up. My husband and I shared a moment of grins, kisses, and tears and we soaked in the joy of bringing our son into the world. Several minutes went by and I started to notice all the nurses migrate to Collin's side. I just assumed this was the norm since I had never had a vaginal delivery before. My OB finished up with me and he too joined the others at Collin's side.

         I waited anxiously for him to be placed in my arms. My OB was holding Collin and began to walk toward me with a blank stare that looked like a mixture of sadness and shock. Not how you would expect your Dr. to look as he brings you your brand new baby. He began to tell me that something was wrong with Collin's hands. Everything that came out of his mouth from that point forward sounded like a foreign language. At one point I cut him off mid sentence and said “Would you please just give me my baby!” That was the first time I saw Collin's hands. I felt like someone shattered my heart like a piece of glass and all the oxygen was being sucked from my lungs. I remember asking the DR. “Is this permanent?” I was in such shock that I couldn’t begin to process what had just happened!

         Collin was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome. What the heck is that, right? That is exactly what I thought! ABS is when the lining of the amniotic sack ruptures causing fibrous strands to float around the baby. Collin's hands got tangled within those strands causing 2 fingers to be underdeveloped and scarring on the other fingers and his wrist from the ABS. In English, it is as if rubber bands get tied around the limbs and digits.

         I laid there in shock and devastation. I remember holding Collin as close to me as possible and sobbing uncontrollably as a room full of nurses and doctors became the spectators of my grief. You never expect something to be wrong with your child. And if there is something, you expect them to find it before they are born. Those moments were not so sweet as I tried to some how comprehend what they had told us. I instantly went into Mama Bear or protective mode. I didn't want anyone to see or know. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I didn't want him to be gawked at. I wanted his birth to be a time of celebration not a Q&A panel or an opportunity to check out his hands. I wanted everyone to see his precious face. So we waited to announce his arrival to all the family and friends that had been waiting in the waiting room. And we just took a few moments to grieve for our precious baby's hands that were permanently deformed. I don't know that a heart can ever hurt as much as when it aches for your child. My heart hurt so bad that night as I thought about my baby's hands. I grieved for those missing parts, I grieved knowing some little kid would one day make fun of him, I grieve for all the "well meaning" responses/stares he would receive, I grieve for the thought that Collin would have to struggle for one second, and as a Mother, it broke my heart.

         I heard the lullaby go off in the hall signally that Collin had been born. I knew we had friends and family in the waiting room anxious to meet him. Before I knew it my room had filled with our friends and family. My face was covered with mascara, I was exhausted, and in shock. I simply said “There is something wrong with Collin's hands and we are not going to make a deal of it!”

         After everyone left that night sadness overwhelmed me. I felt like I had been dropped off on a strange planet. I was scared, confused, and felt the quilt of having a child with a physical difference. I had a nursery nurse bring Collin in to feed and she said, “Did you see his hands? Are they going to amputate his finger?” I remember starring at her in utter disbelief. Of course I have seen them, he is my baby. The insensitivity fueled all my emotions. The days to follow weren’t any better as we planned Collin's appointment to Scottish Rites Children’s Hospital and dealt with trying to explain to everyone that came to visit us what had happened. I was sad, extra sensitive, angry, confused, and really pissy for the next couple weeks. I was mad because I wanted to enjoy my newborn not plan his trip to a childrens hospital in Dallas and spend my energy trying to come to grips with what had happened.  

         But as my head began to clear from the fog and the hormones ;) , I began to realize that God had not left me alone in that delivery room. He had not abandoned me, he had not forgot about my child in the womb, he had saved my son’s life. God promises in John 1:5 As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

         ABS is fatal is great percentage of babies that are affected by it because they can get these bands tangled around there heads or stomach. Many children loose legs and arms. Others it caused clubfeet or cleft pallete. Remember those summersaults Collin was doing the last weeks of my pregnancy? God gave me an image of his hands twisting and turning Collin out of the bands the last weeks of my pregnancy to untangle him from the bands that could have killed him. Our pediatrician also informed us that had I carried Collin to my due date not only would she have been out of town but most likely Collin would have lost his left hand due to the bands being so restricted on his wrist. Weeks before, I had picked Psalm 139:14 to be painted over Collin's  bed. It says I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I picked this before I knew what was in store for Collin, but God knew. These things were not coincidence. These things were the hand of God. I could not see all of this in the midst of my tragedy and heartache but God’s hand was moving even when I didn’t see it.

         I’m not quite sure how God is going to get the glory through our journey with Collin but I believe he will. In John 9 chapter 1 Jesus is talking about a blind man. The disciples asked Jesus “Rabbi”, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

         I still have really hard days dealing with it all. I remember filling out his baby book and seeing a place for his hand prints. I just closed the book and fell to pieces. That day was hard but now Collin's sweet hand prints are in his baby book and it doesn’t make me quite so sad. The hardest part has been the anxiety I feel over other people’s reactions and comments. I am seeking the Lord in all these situations. Like when the checker at HEB shouts “OMG what happened to his hands?” and continues to say poor thing he won’t be able to play an instrument”I wanted to scream “he is missing part of his fingers just like you are obviously missing part of your brian!”  (I didn’t say that and I am aware that that isn’t a very Christlike response, that’s just how I felt!) and then the nosy mother/daughter duo behind me who peak their heads around to see for themselves. I rush to my car just in time to fall apart in the front seat before anyone sees me! These days are the hard days and I am trusting in the Lord to equip me to handle these situations in a way that brings him glory and teaches Collin that it IS ok. And I will have new struggles to deal with as we prepare for Collin's surgeries this fall and more in the years to come. I don’t’ really know how to prepare emotionally to hand my one year old over for surgery. This is another on of those hard things that I will have to walk out.

        

I have struggled with quilt, with anxiety, with fear, with sadness, and I am not out of the trenches yet. And for a season I think I didn’t talk about with the Lord because I didn’t want him to tell me how to deal with it. I wanted to deal with it however I wanted too. But he can’t receive glory if I handle it my own way. I have to vulnerable and let him teach me his ways so that he can be glorified.  I am trusting God that his glory is going to be revealed through this. I know that God is God and God is good no matter what our personal tragedies are. He is still good! Pslam 136:1 says Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever. 

Collin's !st Haircut

Collom got his first haircut last week. Here is the before!

(Don't know why all these pictures are so blurry? Still too cute not to post!)

My childhood best friend is a hairstylist so she was perfect to give Collin his first trim. His hair was so fine we could barely hold onto it. 

Scissors + Wiggly Baby = Nervous Mommy

We had to finish up with him in my lap because he was getting to feisty! 

And the after...... with his sucker for being such a good boy!

Birthday Party/ Part 2

The birthday boy enjoying his lunch!

All of our friends.....

The Babies....

Collin and sweet Brooke!

with Mommy and Daddy

He is becoming quite the Daddy's boy...

The cute bear cupcakes!

Close up of the "beary" yummy cupcakes!

His own bear cake! Just his size...

Daddy helping him dig in..

Yum... Yum...

look at that face....

opening presents before he had his melt down....

Collin's friend Will who was busy trying to grab him with the grabber ;)

And we ended the day with a picture with Nana and Grandpa!

It was a wonderful first birthday and a lot of fun to plan. Who knew a Teddy Bear Picnic would be so fun and so cute. I love birthday parties!