White Rock Marathon weekend has Arrived!

Back in July a good friend of mine and I began training for the Dallas White Rock Marathon. Well it is here, it is this Sunday, we will be running the half marathon of 13.1 miles! I have been asking myself WHY I decided to do this. Collin comes running around the corner with a grin on his face and I am reminded of WHY we are doing this. Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Chidren (the hospital Collin is a patient at) is the DWRM's main beneficiary. So this year we formed Team Collin and have 23 runners running in support of our son Collin and TSRHC. TSRHC has never charged a family a single penny for the care they provide. They have done so much for Collin and we are forever grateful. Our goal this year was to raise $5000 and as of tonight we have raised $4476. We only need $624 to meet our goal. Consider making a donation today of any amount to help better the lives of children. www.active.com/donate/tsrh10/collincan.

The Ronald McDonald House

During Collin's stay in Dallas back in September for his surgery we were blessed with the opportunity to stay at the Dallas Ronald McDonald House! It has been such a blessing that all of Collin's medical care has been provided at no charge to us because Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children has never charged a family a single penny for the care they provide. But traveling expenses add up quickly with four Dallas Dr. appts in one year. The Ronald McDonald house is for families who have children in the hospital or in treatment in one of the local hospitals. They ask for a $15 a night donation for your stay which we all know is much cheaper than a hotel room. The Dallas RMH is the only house in the country that provides 3 meals a day completely free to all the residents. We were blown away by the hospitality of all the staff. It was truly a humbling experience. You walk down the halls and smile to other parents who you know are going through such struggles. You see the little girl playing dolls who has no hair and you know she is battling cancer. Other faces you see, you may no know their story, but everyone there has one. We truly loved our stay at the RMH and plan to stay there for Collin's future surgeries and appointments.

Reading stories in the Ronald McDonald House Library!

One of the playrooms at RMH

The Love Wall..... really loved this idea!

The gathering room... all the furniture for the RMH was donated by Lane, it was beautiful!

Checking out...... Collin still wanted to help, cast and all!

I'm back!!

Hello again! I'm back, well at least for today! I have been on a serious blog hiatus. I got behind and had so much I wanted to blog about that instead of just picking back up where I left off I felt to overwhelmed. I'm sure that sounds silly especially to those who are not bloggers. But that is sorta how my brain works. I start these rather large to-do lists in my brain and then I get so overwhelmed that I don't do anything on the list at all. Does that make me a crazy person? Am I the only one who does that? It's kinda the same with my laundry and house cleaning. If I let things get too bad or I get too far behind, I feel so overwhelmed that I can't seem to begin. I seem to get behind on a lot of things. I can't seem to just maintain things and keep up which always leaves me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated!

Anyways enough about that! I am going to attempt to catch up on all things to blog about since Collin's surgery!!! So hopefully I can get caught up........

Surgery Day and God's faithfulness!

Exhale......... That is how I feel tonight, that it is time to exhale! I have to begin by saying thank you to every one who has lifted us up in prayer the past couple days, we have felt them tremendously! Every text, email, phone call, has been a source of encouragement.

Friday morning came early as the alarm sounded at 3:45am, Chris and I got ready as quietly as possibly, trying not to wake Collin until minutes before it was time to leave. Usually the morning of any event or stressful time, I feel the uneasiness down deep in my stomach, its kind of a nauseous anxious feeling. I was pleased to wake up without that at all. We snatched Collin from his bed in his jammies and headed to the hospital. Collin did not fall back asleep instead he was wide awake and ready for action. We went through the whole admission process with the nurse as Collin was semi cooperative ;). We got Collin changed into his hospital gown and spent our in between time watching playhouse Disney!

 



Just finished being admitted.

 We were blessed to have my parents and one of my best friends, Lesley, their with us to show their support! Chris' parents kept Carter for us so we will be able to focus our full attention on Collin. We prayed over Collin before the doctors came in and truly felt the presence of God in our midst. I had prayed for peace and calmness but I never imagined I could be so calm. They gave Collin some medicine that makes him loopy so that the separation wouldn't be so difficult. Chris and I were able to go down with him to the pre-surgery waiting area. We waited for the loopy medicine to kick in. It was quite comical as we waited in this area with other patients and their parents. It was sort of like a party. Most of the kids were either passed out of looking extremely silly. Then the nurses began handing out stickers, pinwheels, sunglasses, and it began to seem like we had walked into the fair. The anesthesiologist spoke with us about how she would be sedating him and about the breathing tube and so forth, which was a little overwhelming. Then it was time to let him go. I won't lie, I did not want to let him out of my arms. A part of me wanted to tell them we had changed our mind. But with one deep breath I handed him, paci, and puppy into the Dr's arms. Thankfully his medicine had kicked in and he didn't cry. That doesn't mean that I didn't cry. (they should give the parents the medicine ;) My eyes glassed over with tears but after a big hug from Chris and a prayer, I felt peaceful. We went and met up with my parents and Les in the cafeteria and then went to the surgery waiting room and waited, and waited, and waited. For the first 90 minutes, I felt pretty good. I was able to breathe, laugh, and have good conversation with everyone. That last 30 minutes I was definitely ready for the pager to go off, and sure enough it did.  

Our Rockstar!

Waiting for surgery.....

Chris and I were able to go to the recovery room to see him. I have to admit that we were taken back by how puney he looked. I had prepared myself for everything pre-surgery but I didn't realize he would look that way post surgery. His lips were swollen and he had a sore on his mouth from the breathing tube. His face was swollen and he had an oxygen mask on. Then his cast was much bigger than we expected. Then we noticed that they had put a cast on his puppies hand which made us laugh. They moved Collin to the impatient unit and we all just watched him sleep. He didn't really wake up until a few hours later. When he did, I tried to hold him but because of the weight of his cast it was more comfortable for him to lay in his bed. He stayed pretty out of it the entire day. Staying the night in the hospital is never fun and it wasn't for him either. He had a restless night and I got zero sleep but we survived.

Right after surgery

  

Puney.....

 


Collin and Puppy both have casts ;)

 

 Today he seems to be getting back to himself a little more. He is trying to get back to sitting up and walking without falling over to the side. Because of his cast his balance is off and he is trying to adjust to doing things with his cast. He has done as well as any 16 month old I know could. Absolutely amazing how he has dealt with it all. He is our little trooper.

Getting ready to be discharged from the hospital

 God has been so faithful to our family this weekend. We felt God's peace like never before, Collin responded to anesthesia without getting sick, he is adjusting well to his cast besides the first time he noticed it when he slapped it over and over and yelled at it ;), the Dr's said the surgery went great and we are expecting wonderful results when his cast is removed, answer after answer after answer. Thank you again for all the prayers and support it truly has been an awesome experience. It has not been fun to see my baby in pain but it has been amazing to experience God's faithfulness and peace.

Please Pray!

Tomorrow is the big day and a full range of emotions and thoughts have flooded my mind this evening, I don't know how I will possibly sleep. I took some pictures of Collin's hands tonight so we would have some before and after pictures to look at after he has his cast removed. In a strange way there is something sad about changing his hands. I remember when he was born and we we took him to Scottish Rite when he was only 3 weeks old I worried that they wouldn't be able to do anything for Collin's hands. Now 16 months later I am sitting here the night before his surgery and apart of me is sad that we are going to change him. I am sure that sounds strange and ironic but it is just part of the mixture of feelings I am experiencing at the moment. For the past two weeks people have been asking me if I was nervous for Collin's surgery. In the beggining I would say "yes, a little bit" but the more I prayed about it the more I felt like God was speaking to me about my feelings and emotions about Collin's surgery. Any mother feels worry, anxiety, and fear to trust thier child into the care of surgeons and nurses your barely know. I felt like I should be worried, I should be fearful, I should be anxious! And don't get me wrong my flesh would love to embrace these feelings and emotions but my God says something else. HE says:

Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition present your requests to God, And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
                                                                                                             Phillipians 4:6-7

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise,  in God I trust, I will not be afraid.
                                                                                                              Psalms 56:3

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
                                                                                                              Isiah 41:10

I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
                                                                                                              Pslam 34:4

Do not worry..........
                                    Matthew 6:21

For God has not given you a spirit of fear , but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.
                                                                                                              2 Timothy 1:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
                                                                            1 Peter 5:7

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.
                                                                                                              2 Thessolonians 3:16

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we Trust in the name of our Lord our God.
                                                                                                              Pslam 20:7

Over the past few weeks as I have prayed and sought God about tomorrow, I felt like he addressed this issue the most. As a mother I have every right to be anxious, nervous, fearful, and worried. But as a believer in Jesus Christ I am called to walk in trust, to lay my anxieties and fears at his feet, and recieve the peace that only He can bring. My mind would love to wonder tonight. Wonder about what ifs and risks and the terrifying thought of handing my baby over but I am trying to meditate on the scriptures above and hold onto the promises of the awesome God I serve.

A couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine said that she had been reading some scripture that she wanted me to read. She said that these scriptures were about hands and she felt like they would be encouraging for me. I was anxious to get home and read what she was referring too. When I got home I quickly opened up my bible to Mark 3:1 and this is what I began to read:

 And He entered the synagogue again, and a man was there who had a withered hand. ² So they watched Him closely, whether He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. ³ And He said to the man who had the withered hand, “Step forward.” ⁴ Then He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they kept silent. ⁵ And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.

WOW, right? I have read several incidents of healing in the bible but I don't think I have ever read this one in particular. How cool is it that my God is a God that restores hands. What hope I have found in these scriptures. Since Collin was born, I never considered him as a case for healing. After all, the doctors claimed his condition permanent. They told me that the most they could do was smoothe out some of the scar tissue to improve fuction and looks but they couldn't replace missing bones or form finger nails on his nubby fingers. I believe that the God of the bible is the same God of today and if he restored hands to whole then,  I believe he can restore hands to whole today! I don't believe that we can tell God what to do, but I do believe we can ask. I believe that God is able to grow bones, form fingernails, and lengthen fingers and I am asking God to begin a restoration in Collin's hands. Whether that be through surgeries, time, or miraculously I know that he is able. What I don't know is God's BIG plan, I can only see the small piece in front of me. I don't know if God has plans to reveal himself through healing Collin supernaturally or if he will recieve more glory through Collin walking out this journey of having different hands. Whatever God's plan is, it will not change my faith, it will not change the goodness of God, it will not change how much we know God loves Collin. But we know that he is able and we are asking that tomorrow would be the beggining of restoration to Collin's hands. I ask that you would stand in agreement with us and pray for restoration for our precious baby.

We will be admitting Collin to Texas Scottish Rite Hospital at 5:00am. His surgery is scheduled for 8:00am and is expected to be over some time aroudn 10:00am. Here are some specific ways you can be praying for us:

1. Please pray that God would command his angels concerning Collin to guard him during surgery. (Pslam 91:11)

2. Please pray for Dr. Oishi, the nurses, anethesiologist, and every one else on the surgery team. Pray that they would have supernatural rest, that the Lord would guide their hands, and give them wisdom as they work on Collin's hands.

3. Please pray that God would wash us in his peace!

4. Please pray that Collin would respond well to anesthesia without getting sick.

5. Please pray that every nerve and tendon would be protected as they reconstuct Collin's hand.

6. Please pray he would adjust well to his cast.

Thank you so much for all the love, support, and prayers! Keep checking for an update, I will blog sometime tomorrow after surgery!

"I don't want them to cover up his hands......"

We leave tomorrow for Collin's surgery on Friday at Texas Scottish Rite. Car seat, pack and play, stroller, books, blankie, puppy, and backpack are all ready by the door. It always amazes me as to how much stuff it takes to travel with a baby. Today I decided to tell Carter that we were going out of town and what for. In the past 16 months since Collin was born Carter has NEVER said one thing about his brother's hands. Not even when others have noticed or made comments. He has never asked a question, examined his hands, nothing. I don't know that he ever realized that his brother's hands are different than his. I love that about children. Since Collin will be coming home in a cast we obviously needed to explain a few things to Carter in an age appropriate way. I told him that we were taking Collin to Dallas to see a special hand Dr. and Carter asked "WHY"? I told him that when Collin was in Mommy's tummy there were strings that hung around Collin and his hands got tangled in them. He didn't say a word or seemed phased by what I said. I continued by telling him that the Dr's were going to help Collin's hand and then they would put him in a cast. Of course Carter had no idea what a cast was. I tried to explain it and then I could see the wheels turning in his brain. This concerned him much more than the fact that Collin's hands were different than his. We were in the car while we were having this conversation (only because he kept asking me over and over where we were going this weekend, because he had seen me packing every one's stuff but his, it just seemed like the right time) and he reached over and held Collin's hand and said "Mommy, I don't want them to cover up Collin's hands." I looked back at him in the rear view mirror as he held tightly to Collin's hand and said "I Know, me neither". That is all I could say because I could feel the tears coming to my eyes and that horrible lump coming up in my throat. After I got it together, I told him that he wouldn't have his hands covered forever just a 4 weeks and it would help his hand get better. He is still persistent that he doesn't want them to cover up his brother's hands and I love that. I love that he doesn't notice, or doesn't care, that his brother is different than him. I love that he sees Collin as his little brother, not the baby with hand differences. I love the pureness and innocence. I love that his biggest concern was that he didn't want his hands covered up because he wants to always see them. I am so glad he always wants to see them. I had stressed over having this conversation with Carter for while, but things are always a bigger deal to us then they are to them.