We brought our precious Collin home last Wednesday afternoon and have been settling in over the past several days. I have to start off by saying thank you so much for all the prayers and words of encouragement we have received. They have carried us through this past week. We are so blessed with amazing friends and family. Like Nana said in the previous post, God was so faithful and Collin had turned head down by the time we got to the hospital. I was able to have a VBAC which was a huge answer to prayer. Nothing could have been sweeter than those first moments they laid him on my chest. It was only for a minute or two but it was a precious time. Unfortunately the next 30 minutes of his sweet life were much harder to swallow for Chris and I. As my Dr. tried to explain to us what had happened to my baby boy, as they handed him back to me and for the first time I saw his hands my heart shattered in pieces. You never expect something to be wrong with your child. And if there is something, you expect them to find it before they are born. Those moments were not so sweet as I tried to some how comprehend what they were telling us. I instantly went into protective mode. I didn't want anyone to see or know. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I didn't want him to be gawked at. So we waited to announce his arrival to all the family and friends that had been waiting in the waiting room. And we just took a few moments to grieve for our precious baby's hands that were permanently deformed. I don't know that a heart can ever hurt as much as when it aches for your child. My heart hurt so bad that night as I thought about my baby's hands. My heart still aches and I still have my moments but God has given Chris and I a unexplainable peace. We are so thankful that Collin didn't loose any fingers or limbs from his ABS. We are hopeful for what might be able to be done to improve the function and look of his hands. We are praising God for we know that he has great plans for Collin. And we know that he will be glorified through Cupcake's life. I don't know how I feel about it today. I started to fill out his baby book and there was place for his hand prints. My eyes just filled up with tears and I shut the book. When I take pictures I catch myself covering up his hands. I just want people to see his precious face not his hands. I just take it day by day and continue to praise God for his truths. His word says that Collin is Fearfully and Wonderfully made and I will praise God for that.
Our wonderful pediatrician, Dr. Reese, got Collin into Scottish Rites Hospital on June 9. This is such a blessing considering we didn't even know if we would be accepted and if we were, when. I look forward to hearing what the hand specialist has to say. ABS is such a rare condition that no one has really been able to give us much insight.
In spite of all of that we have had a wonderful week at home. Carter is doing great and is loving having his Daddy home everyday. He doesn't show too much interest in Collin but he loves him to pieces. He likes to bring him his toys and give him lots of kisses. I am loving having another newborn in my arms. This is one of the sweetest times in life to me. I just try to soak in every moment because it goes by so fast.
My mom was able to make it in on Friday night to see Collin. She had been in Canada with my grandmother when I went into labor. Collin and Cupcake were glad to see their Mimi. It was wonderful to have her here and I look forward to her coming back this weekend. She will be here for a week to help me once Chris goes back to work.
So we are keeping our head up and trying to get lots of rest. Our family has grown and our hearts have, too. Cupcake is precious and we are praising God that he is here.
1 comment:
Dear Sister, I won't say "it's not that bad!" Of course it is bad because this is *your* child! It's like what people said to me after my twin daughters were still-born at 32 weeks, "Don't worry: you are still a baby yourself: there will be other babies!" So insensitive!
So I won't say that with the anonymity of the blogger who comments to a stranger half a world away: I know you are a Mummy who is dealing with a *big deal* for you, your husband, son and dear Baby! But, I would love to gently encourage you.
A dear friend of mine has an older child aged 10 who was born with ABS. She has only 2 fingers on each hand and is missing 3 toes off one foot and 2 off another. Not having God, her Mum nearly had a breakdown trying to cope with it.
However, when she accepted her daughter as she is (as you have done with Collin), she was able to enjoy her babyhood. She tells M that she is special...She buys normal sandals for M and rings for the normal fingers. You could never find a more loved child (or better dressed and confident.)
M responds to inquisitive children with saying that she is special...she shows them her stubs of fingers and toes and moves on. Honestly, M hasn't been ribbed or mocked by children at all, just asked by curious little ones about her hands. She is used to it and handles it with aplomb.
M does everything including writing, cutting out and dressing herself. She does ballet and swimming and everything my grandaughter does- they are friends. The only thing is we have to be careful not to allow M to go too high on a swing as she can't hang on....that is the only negative thing!
May God continue to bless you with people who care. May He encourage you all as you walk this path with little Collin. May He bless Collin with love and be gracious unto him. I believe God will bless Collin for He has placed him in a loving family.
Blessings! Glenys from Australia
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