Collin

Collin 10 months......... Sweet!

God is Good!

So I feel like the Lord has been ringing symbols on my head over and over! When Collin was born and we began this journey one of the first things I asked was what will we say to people. And over the past 9 months I have said it all, "He was born that way", "That is just the way God made him", "His hands are just different", and as all of those words came out of my mouth they never set right in my heart. They made me want to cringe. I have even tried to convince myself that "Oh his hands are wonderful just the way they are because thats how God created them". Over and over this made me uncomfortable. Most people in the world of children with differences, syndromes, and disabilities use these terms often. They seem like the logical thing to say to your child and to explain to all the curious questions you receive. And for nine months I have really never known why this perspective made me so uncomfortable until this past week. I have shared several conversations with different friends and realized that the reason these responses make me feel that way is because they do not line up with the character of God. Honestly for Collin's situation this is not even truth. Truth is that God created him perfect and whole inside and out and because of a medical syndrome bands caused restrictions of growth and scarring on his hands. I don't want him to view God as the one who did this to him. As his mother I plee my heart out to the Lord for his salvation. As I am teaching him about God and the love God has for Collin I am off setting that with a very contradicting view point which is "God did this to you", "God made you this way". Personally that is not what I believe. I believe it grieves God's heart that he will ever experiece pain. I believe is grieves God's heart that it would ever hurt or be made fun of because of the his hands. It is because of the fall of the world that disease, disabilities, and syndromes have entered the world not because our God wanted it that way. So instead of making the explanations to him and others a spiritual thing, I'm just going to focus on what medically happened. I will tell him that he is "fearfully and wonderfully made..." because he is. God created him whole and I know he is more concerned with his spiritual wholeness than his physical wholeness (not to say he isn't concerned about his physical wholeness). I don't want Collin to ever feel like this is God's fault, God did this to me, I want Collin to know that God saved his life. As he gets older and matures that is what I am going to focus on. I am going to teach him to Praise God that I went into labor two weeks early because most likely had he gone full term he would have lost one of his hands and his middle finger. (due to the bands being so tight around his wrist). Most importantly I am going to teach him that God loved him so much that he saved Collin's life. It is very common that ABS kills babies in utero because the bands get tangled around their neck or stomach. If you remember the last 2 months of my pregnancy Collin was doing sumersaults. My OB said that he had never seen a baby turn so many times so late in the pregnancy. Every sonogram we went in for he had turned another way. I can remember laying my hands on my stomach and praying he would turn head down. I had friends praying over me that he would turn head down. Whether it is true or not, I can invision the Lord turning Collin around and around to get him untangled from the bands. That is the love of God. That is what Collin needs to know about God. That he loves him, that he saved his hand, and bigger than that, he saved his life! Satan would love nothing more than for him to get his foot into the situation. To manipulate Collin to be angry with God and feel like it's God's fault. Well we will not even give him the oppurtunity. I will not say "that is just the way God made you", because that is not true. God made him perfect and whole and saved his life from a syndrome that could have killed him. So when he is older and looks down at the scars from the bands, I want him to know those are the battle wounds. We can look at that and praise God for saving him. For twisting and turning him inside the womb to protect from getting tangled. Now that perspective lines up with the character of God. That perspective doesn't make me want to cringe inside. I feel like God has really shown me through his word and the Holy Spirit the way to handle this. Not to say that I won't still have bad days dealing with it, but I feel impowered. I always believed that God would recieve the glory through these circumstances but I didn't really understand how that would happen. I still don't completely understand but I have a glimpse and that starts with teaching Collin, our friends and family, and some of the random curious people (who tend to drive me crazy), what the truth is. What an amazing oppurtunity to share the love of Christ with people. When they ask it opens the door of communication to share that when he was in utero he had a rare syndrome but God saved his life. I can't promise that that will always be my response because sometimes I still want to say something more along the lines of "He is missing part of his fingers just like you are obviouly missing part of your brain!". (I am aware this is not a very Christlike reaction) I pray that the Lord would continue to refine me and stretch me and I'm sure as he does I will grow more maturely in my outlook and how I respond. But the bottom line is that yes that might be how I am feeling, and YES, I have reason to feel this way, but I am held to God's standards which means I need to respond in the way that brings him glory, and teaches Collin truth about why he is the way he is! For now this is how I feel, but as I grow closer in my walk with God I know he could teach me more and show me his ways more intimately so as God teaches me I could change. None of this is to say that I have all the answers or people should agree with me its just to say this is what I feel like the Lord has shown me about my child and our circumstances! God is love and God is good and I don't think its some sick twisted version of good, I believe HE IS REALLY GOOD!

Collin 9 Months Old!

Collin is 9 months old! Can you believe it? We went for his 9 month check up yesterday and Dr. R said he looked great. She went through her check list of developmental milestones and it went something like this:

Dr. R:  Is he pulling up on furniture?

Me: No

Dr. R: Is he crawling?

Me: No

Dr. R: Does he say Da Da and associate it with Chris?

Me: No

Dr. R: Does he play patty cake or peek a boo?

Me: Umm... No

At this point all I could do was laugh, these are not things I am worried about and she wasn't too concerned either. It just made me laugh that everything she asked about was a No. Carter was a late crawler and talker. But what Collin is doing, is gaining weight. He weighed in at a whooping 24lbs putting him in the 95th percentile. He is a BIG BOY for sure. He was also in the 90th percentile for height and 80th percentile for his head size. 

He spends lots of time in his high chair for two reasons:

1. He LOVES to eat!

2.He can see me as I cook dinner or clean up which he likes since he usually cries the minute I leave the room.

Here is a picture of that priceless smile! 

Sweet baby right after his bath, look at those toofies!

He is a happy baby............well most of the time!

Happy Birthday Carter

The day has finally wound down enough for me to sit down and blog! There has been tons of things to blog about lately but I just haven't been in too much of a blogging mood. But on this day three years ago I gave birth to my first baby. I held him for this first time, kissed him for the first time, and on that day my heart grew. I can't believe that precious baby I introduced to the world, turned 3 today! 3, yes I said 3. Does that seem crazy to anyone else besides me? There have been so many milestones and unforgettable moments. We have a birthday tradition that we began last year on his big day. Instead of reading stories for bed we get out the photo album from the day he was born as well as his baby book. We talk about how much we love him and how excited we were to meet him. We show him how small his ankle was that he was able to wear his hospital bracelet. We talk about all the different family and friends that came to the hospital to meet him. He loved hearing all about "His Story" this year. Then after that we read one of my favorite children's books, The Night you Were Born. If you haven't read it, you should! I tucked him in and gave him a big kiss on his forehead. He said "Mama, I love you!" Precious, that is what that is, just Precious! We have had a really ruff few weeks with Carter lately. I am trying to learn this whole discipline thing as I go.  So I have had lots of really frustrating days where I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out. But tonight as I walked down the stairs, I remembered crying when he was 3 months old because at least once an hour he was spitting up all over creation. I remembered crying too many times to count because he wouldn't sleep through the night. Worrying sick when he came up missing for the longest 20 minutes of my life. (I will have to tell that story some other time) And it was just a sweet reminder that he is my first baby, that we are figuring this thing out as we go, that we have survived other obstacles and we will survive these. It was a very real reminder of how fast it goes by! A reminder to embrace every memorable moment with him because you can never get the time back! It's like that country song, "Your gonna miss this". The chorus says something like, "Your gonna miss this, you gonna want this back, your gonna wish these days wouldn't go by so fast, these are some good times, take a good look around, you may not no it now, but your gonna miss this!" As crazy as it may seem, I will look back and miss the little boys who has no concept of an indoor voice, I will miss the mischeviousness, I will miss this time! I feel so blessed to have a healthy boy who challenges me and stretches my heart more and more everyday. I am so lucky to be his mom. I am so blessed to have a God that has blessed me with my precious Carter.

Happy Birthday sweet Boy, I love you!
Mommy

Carter,

January 16, 2007

7:11 PM

The Night he was Born!

6lbs 1oz and 20 inches

Carter

January 16, 2010

My BIG Boy!

Let it snow, just not on Carter!

It snowed on Friday and we were so excited. I just knew that Carter would love the snow and making a snow man. So as soon as brother went down for his nap we got all bundled up in our coats, hats, and gloves to go play in the snow. After 3 steps unto the porch Carter wanted to go back inside. I tried to show him how much fun it was, I showed him a snowball, showed him how to catch it with his tongue, and nothing. "Mommy, I want to go inside!" I was so disappointed, I was looking forward to all our fun snow day pictures. Well instead, this is what we have to remember the first snow of 2009!

Yeah for Snow!

He wanted to ride his bike but couldn't do so very well considering the sidewalk was covered in snow!

This is how he felt about the cold, snowy day!

Santa Clause

On Thursday I took the boys to go see Santa Clause!

Aren't they precious in their matching shirts!

Santa: Carter, what do you want for Christmas?

Carter: I dunno.

Santa: Have you been a good boy this year?

Carter: I dunno.

Collin's first time in Santa's lap!

He loved looking at Santa, I think he was trying to plot how to get a hold of his beard!